Being a single girl in your 20s definitely has its perks: you can drink out of the milk carton, listen to *Nsync Christmas while running errands without fear of ridicule, and every weekend you can observe the single men at the bar and judge them.
However, you have to be cautious when on the prowl because if you aren't careful you could end up with a hot guy who bites his toenails. Not that I've ever had that happen, Im just saying it would be a dealbreaker...so anyway, here is a guide on single guys at the bar.
For one, always always always look for the ring. I remember back in my younger college days when that was not even an issue. Now it's just something you automatically look for, like zits when you are staring at a changing room mirror.
Ok so you check for the ring, now you check the clothes. If there are oversized words written in cursive anywhere on their clothing, back away. Chances are they enjoy a good fist pump and red bull/vodka to hide their impotency. Now I realize that not ALL guys fit this stereotype, but I have yet to be proven wrong.
The guy passed the first two tests, great! You are on your way to wedded bliss. Now you just have to start talking to him. You start up a conversation and things are going great until it happens: he breaks out the smartphone. Its over, just cut your losses and walk away.
For those of you who have not encountered the Smartphone Guy let me give you an idea of what happens: You start talking and he brings up the fact that he owns a dog. Cute! Well then he needs to show you the 1,450 pictures of the stupid ugly mutt to prove that he owns it. The pictures range from a closeup of the dog, to artsy pictures of the dog looking out the window, to a picture of the dog's new doghouse. And it doesn't stop there - then Smartphone Guy realizes he has all sorts of albums on his phone that he thinks you will enjoy so you end up looking at pictures of his tattoos, shoes, food he ate that day, and a funny sign he saw while driving the other day. You somehow manage to change the subject to something he doesn't have a picture of, but he doesn't know the subject matter very well. No problem, he can just Google the topic and pretend like he knows what you are talking about. The icing on the cake is when the conversation starts to fizzle - the SECOND that happens, he has his nose in his phone and you are officially out of sight, out of mind. I feel that for this reason marriage to your phone will be legalized before gay marriage in this state.
As I type this I can't help but laugh to myself because I have encountered these types of guys more than I care to admit. Maybe I'M the one with the problem? No, thats ludacris. I am the epitome of normal.
