That Don't Impress Me Much

Being a single girl in your 20s definitely has its perks: you can drink out of the milk carton, listen to *Nsync Christmas while running errands without fear of ridicule, and every weekend you can observe the single men at the bar and judge them.

However, you have to be cautious when on the prowl because if you aren't careful you could end up with a hot guy who bites his toenails. Not that I've ever had that happen, Im just saying it would be a dealbreaker...so anyway, here is a guide on single guys at the bar.

For one, always always always look for the ring. I remember back in my younger college days when that was not even an issue. Now it's just something you automatically look for, like zits when you are staring at a changing room mirror.

Ok so you check for the ring, now you check the clothes. If there are oversized words written in cursive anywhere on their clothing, back away. Chances are they enjoy a good fist pump and red bull/vodka to hide their impotency. Now I realize that not ALL guys fit this stereotype, but I have yet to be proven wrong.

The guy passed the first two tests, great! You are on your way to wedded bliss. Now you just have to start talking to him. You start up a conversation and things are going great until it happens: he breaks out the smartphone. Its over, just cut your losses and walk away.

For those of you who have not encountered the Smartphone Guy let me give you an idea of what happens: You start talking and he brings up the fact that he owns a dog. Cute! Well then he needs to show you the 1,450 pictures of the stupid ugly mutt to prove that he owns it. The pictures range from a closeup of the dog, to artsy pictures of the dog looking out the window, to a picture of the dog's new doghouse. And it doesn't stop there - then Smartphone Guy realizes he has all sorts of albums on his phone that he thinks you will enjoy so you end up looking at pictures of his tattoos, shoes, food he ate that day, and a funny sign he saw while driving the other day. You somehow manage to change the subject to something he doesn't have a picture of, but he doesn't know the subject matter very well. No problem, he can just Google the topic and pretend like he knows what you are talking about. The icing on the cake is when the conversation starts to fizzle - the SECOND that happens, he has his nose in his phone and you are officially out of sight, out of mind. I feel that for this reason marriage to your phone will be legalized before gay marriage in this state.

As I type this I can't help but laugh to myself because I have encountered these types of guys more than I care to admit. Maybe I'M the one with the problem? No, thats ludacris. I am the epitome of normal.

Oh I wish I was a wiener...

Do you remember when you were a kid and life was riddled with the three basic “times”: play, nap, and story? It was blissful and every night you could go to bed in your little worry-free cocoon of happiness. The best part was the friends you made and how seemingly easy it was. “Hey, you have Strawberry Shortcake mittens, me too – lets be friends!” That one little article of clothing was all it took to become best friends and a lifetime of sharing pogs, lunches, and secrets.

Fast forward to present day…

You have a job, you have bills, you have responsibility. Play time consists of you singing horrible kareoke and drunk texting a guy you think might like you so sending that 2am text message will surely confirm this. You still watch a few cartoons before naptime, but that’s only because you are too hungover to do anything else. Story time is reading this blog and your friends’ Facebook status updates, my how you have broadened your horizons. Making friends can be a little more difficult in present day because if you try to be friends with someone because they have the same mittens as you, it could land you with a nutbag.

However, the friends you do make now are much more likely to last because we are all adults and can rationally express our feelings and make solid decisions.

Right?

Wrong. So very, very wrong.

Friendships sometimes fall apart. They fall apart because two people have grown distant from each other and sometimes they fall apart because disagreements get the better of us and we can never reconcile. Sometimes they fall apart because of hot dogs.

Personally, I hate when I lose friends over hot dogs. I cant even tell you how many times I’ve looked back and said ‘damn, I wonder how so and so is doing? Stupid hot dogs.’ Absurd, no? Ridiculous, asinine, and illogical? Absolutely. True story though? Hell yes, but not directly related to me. Allow me to elucidate…

I had a friend call me the other day to fill me in on all the past weekend activities I missed out on because I went out of town. Admittedly this is always my favorite part of when either of us take a vacation because it allows the vacationer to realize how messed up our lives are back home and also how painfully entertaining it is when we are on the outside looking in. Anyway she reveled me on stories of getting hit on, the typical drama we see every weekend, and also the atypical drama that happened that particular weekend.

It was at this point that I was going to go into detail about the story but I feel the Reader’s Digest version is pretty accurate so it went like this.

“Friend found hot dogs at a store that her friend with a hint of benefits loved and could never find. Friend took picture of hot dogs and sent to slight benefit guy. Slight Benefit guy wanted to know where to find them. Friend didn’t know and was busy tending to other friends who were drunk and entertaining. This led Slight Benefits to think she was ignoring him and he got grumpy. Being the rational, reasonable person he was he decided that since she would not divulge where the hot dogs were found he would delete her from Facebook. He also deleted anyone that could possibly be tied back to Friend as a fool proof way of proving his temper tantrum was ‘for realz’. The end.

Moral of the story is: “Don’t value hot dogs over your friends, or you end up looking like the wiener.” Haha, get it?

The only thing we have to fear...is everything.

Fear is such an invasive emotion. It can completely cripple a person, leaving nothing but a soiled pair of shorts and an out of control heartbeat. Everyone is afraid of something, whether they admit it or not, but how do these fears come about? I think there is a difference between 'fear' and 'things that you dont like'. I personally do not like Miley Cyrus but in no way do I fear her (unless she became a zombie, Im pretty sure that would be horrible).

There are two things in particular that I fear: bleeding from the mouth and shellfish. One is completely warranted and one I have no effing clue how it developed but it is borderline psychotic.

I used to love shellfish. I remember vividly going up to Seattle to visit family and eating oysters in the half shell over the fire. I also remember helping my Uncle Buck ride out into the ocean to collect his crab traps so we could dunk the poor bastards in a buttery garlic sauce. I salivated at the thought of 4th of July parties because that almost always meant there would be shrimp cocktail. Shellfish was my friend and I loved it.

One weekend in college I went up with some friends to visit our friend Kat in Minnesota. We were having a great weekend and decided to go to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner. I of course ordered oysters in a half shell, a tip of the hat to my Seattle days. I got through two of them and I noticed my forearms were getting really red. And then itchy. No big deal, probably just all the mosquito bites I got from being outside all day. But the more I itched, the more they popped up. Then it got a little hard to breathe. While all this is going on my friends were out paying the bill and making their way back. I didn't say much, just wheezed that I needed Benadryl. So one girl is completely freaked out and gives me a paper bag to breath into. This would help if it wasn't already hard enough to breath, but I appreciated the attempt to help. Kat was still new to town and wasn't 100% where a Walgreens or pharmacy was so we went to a gas station. I popped those babies like they were candy and quite honestly the next thing I remember is driving back to Omaha the next day - but not before I had a dream about a sweet northern voice telling me to rest and visit an allergist when I got home (I suspect this was the nurse that dealt with me).

So I booked an appointment with the allergist when I returned to the homeland. Heed my warning, do not visit an allergist unless you absolutely have to. I'm sure there are other ways of determining if you have a food allergy but the route my doctor went was pricking my forearm over and over again with different allergens to see how I reacted. BLECH! No thanks - after 12 skin pricks he finally determined that I was allergic to shellfish, or some chemical found only in shellfish.

So with that knowledge I was extra cautious about what I ate. For awhile I would not eat anything that came from the ocean because what if that fish ran into a crab or shrimp and its chemicals got on it? No thanks, I will pass on the chance to have my throat close up again. I have lightened up a lot since then and will even go to sushi restaurants on occasion, but the fear still lingers that my next bite may be what sets me on a one way trip to the hospital.

Ok so the next fear, I will admit, is stupid. It is stupid until you are the one dealing with it. I cannot handle bleeding from the mouth or seeing other people bleed from the mouth. I am honestly not sure where or when it developed but Im pretty sure there is not a support group for it. Once I was at a friends house and he wanted to watch Kill Bill. I hadn't seen it but it was by Quentin Tarantino so how gory could it be? (har, har). The opening scene is of Uma Thurman laying on a church floor covered in blood, and her teeth are broken and bloody. (On a side note, I just got terrible goosebumps writing that) Well the blood and the teeth were so overwhelming that I ran for the bathroom to throw up. As I was running I could feel my stomach getting tighter and the power to hold it in was fading. I made it about halfway before I spewed behind his couch. I have rendered people speechless on a few occasions, but this one was by far the most awkward. I started crying because I was so embarrassed and disgusted because I had no idea where that came from, but he assured me it was probably just something I had ate. I actually believed that for awhile until I had my wisdom teeth removed. They knocked me out and when they were done and woke me up they had me sit up very slowly. I did but not before catching a glimpse of the bloody bib and gauze on the table next to me - I instantly passed out from the sight. Ever since then I cannot floss unless I close my eyes or watch someone bleed from their mouth without getting sick to my stomach - thank God Im past losing my baby teeth.

Beep Beep goes the car

My apartment complex hates people with cars. It is a well known fact that if you do not call it a night before 10pm you will have to park in the proverbial BFE. I ran into this dilemma last night after sober cabbing some friends home after the 2am bar close. As I approached the lighted sign for my apartment I had my fingers crossed that someone left after hours early right outside my building. No dice. I also found myself driving extremely slow and looking in every cul-de-sac for potential spots - if I had a van with no windows I would definitely be labeled a pedophile. I guess its a good thing kids don't hop into 2-door, untinted Chevy Cobalts. Woah there tangent, go back where you came from.

So this morning me and Joanne decide to go to the Farmers Market at Midtown Crossing because there was promise of a free Chik-Fil-A sandwich if you bought something. Any time you offer a chicken and pickle sandwich to me just for buying something I am sold. I offered to drive because my car was so far away I think we moved to a different zip code while walking. As I was pulling out I couldn't help but notice the car next to me had two teddy bears sitting on a couch that was perched in the back window. Really?! So that got me thinking about other things I don't like on cars and wonder why so many people think its ok?

1) Stuffed animals in the back seat. Why do you need to display all the animals you won from the claw game at Pizza Hut?? Does it make your car seem whimsical and timeless, like a modern day Peter Pan? Those poor animals don't stand a chance in the hot sun and you leave them there to roast every day. I'm sure that the puppy wearing the local sports team jersey and pink bear holding a heart would much rather prefer to be in your house with the other creepy dolls you keep on the shelves.

2) "My kid did this" bumper stickers. It should be more aptly named "My kid did something that you will in no way care about but I feel bad if I don't put it on my car" bumper stickers. I remember when I was little I got one of those bumper stickers for making the honor roll in grade school. I was so proud of it and I gave it to my dad to display somewhere that everyone would see. A few days later I found it plastered on the inside of one of his tool cabinets. Hindsight tells me that my dad felt the same way that I do about those stupid stickers so I can't fault him. I am all about celebrating your kid's achievements, but my only requirement is that I actually know you before I do.

3) Testicles on a truck. Dumb, stupid, and no it doesn't make you any more manly. Just like putting boobs on a VW Bug doesn't make it any more girly.

4) Leis in the rear view mirror. I admit when I was younger I had my fair share of things hanging from my mirror: a visor from the CWS, my high school tassel, and a multitude of leis. I am guessing that every girl must go through this phase, but I haven't quite figured out why. It automatically brands your car as 'female' which means there will be nothing but chap stick and Nsync CDs to steal. It would go nicely with the pair of boobs on the VW though.

5) Lights on the undercarriage. Why do you need this? You can't even see them because you are driving, so did you get them so others could have a mini light show when you zoomed by in your rice burner? Thats so fast AND furious! At least have it timed to music or something so I can be entertained when we are stuck next to each other at a red light. And no, I will not race you. I do enjoy making it sound like I DO want to race though and then when he zooms away I turn right and giggle to myself on the side street. Dumbass.

Now if you don't mind I need to get to the body shop to get lambo doors put on the Cobalt, I am going to be so badass.

Another Night, Another Lip Sync

After a particularly long Friday at work (typing up FAQs for my darling passengers, while useful, its completely mindless) I decided to come home and unwind. I have a horrible habit of dropping my things at the front door and reading the mail while heading to my bedroom. The mail is inevitably junk but I insist on reading every single piece just to make sure. So I read the pizza coupons and upcoming sales at Victoria Secret and chuck them to the side before plopping down on my bed in the newly appointed bedroom.

Wait...I should explain.

Long story short: I got tired of hearing the water drip in my original bedroom from the air conditioner so I decided to move EVERYTHING to the guest room/office. I am surprisingly strong for a little person. But back to the story at hand...

Typically I get off work earlier than my friends on Fridays, one of the many perks to my job. It is good when I have errands to run and people to see but on this particular Friday I had nothing to do - and that bothered the bejebus out of me.

So I log in to check my bank account and other mindless tasks I do on the internet to waste time. I decided to send my friend a music video from the 90s to get this weekend started off right. I searched for his page and clicked on the 'add video' button - wait, whats this?! An option to record a video right there on his wall from your web cam? GENIUS! A million ideas started running through my head: do I give a weather report from the -24 zip or should I send 5 minutes of me blankly staring at the webcam to give him the feeling that Im ALWAYS watching.

No wait, I got it. 90s techno lip syncing. Good gravy there is no way that could be awful! But what song? There were so many greats from the 90s including below:



Or how about this gem:



But my heart belonged to another band. One might say they were the REAL MCCOY...



So after listening to the song and uncontrollably punching the sky, I had to take to the webcam and record the joy I was feeling so my friend could share in the fun too! For those of you who have known me, this is not out of the ordinary. One of the perks of living alone is that I can lip sync in my mirror like I am 12 every morning and no one can judge me, so suck it Trebek.

I lip synced and danced my little heart out while the webcam filmed every awkward dance move. I am so cool, there is no way he won't appreciate this. I clicked send and giggled in anticipation to hear his reaction. The giggling stopped when I recieved a notification that my friend commented "WTF". WTF? Not really what I was thinking the first comment would be, I was hoping more along the lines of "What a masterpiece" - but whatever, I will take it.

What bothered me about the "WTF" post was that I did not think he was friends with my victim. In fact I couldnt recall a time when they could have ever met. I scoured through the 'common friends' page to prove that he, in fact, did not know who the video was intended for. Shit. This means that anyone who is lucky enough to be friends with me now has the power to view my masterpiece and comment on it. Double shit.

As of right now there have been 9 comments, most have been negative and encouraging me to get a hobby or revert back to being a wallflower. There has been one person who liked it though! Oh wait, that was me....damn. Its fine, my ego has not been bruised one bit because deep down I know that people thought it was a glorious piece of work and the effects of jealousy should be setting in any minute now.

Fish In The Sea of Love

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Of all the cliche lines you can give or recieve, this is the one I dislike the most. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea but some of them are bottom feeders. Besides, Im allergic to shellfish so I would prefer not to fall in love with someone who could kill me (although that does sound dangerously intruiging).

I decided to actively search for these 'fish' to prove my point and decided to go to the most common pool I could think of: match.com. I created a profile, added some pictures that I thought made me look good and cleverly cut everyone else out of them. I put in a few common buzzwords such as 'optimistic', 'honesty', and 'adventure' all while making myself sound as amazing as possible. I suspect if I was brutally honest my profile would read something like this:

"I am married to my job and really don't have time for a boyfriend unless you are also married to your job. I eat dinner over my kitchen sink and watch Golden Girls almost every night before bed. Bad decisions is my hyphenated middle name, I hate bachelorette parties, and I visit my parents almost daily even though I only live a mile away from them. I laugh at really stupid things, sarcasm comes naturally and I would do absolutely anything for my friends, family, and coworkers because they mean the world to me."

Instead it came out like this...

"Im Kailey, always willing to try something new yadda yadda yadda I like Italian food yadda yadda yadda I like making people happy yadda yadda yadda I will be honest with you if you are honest with me....bladda bladda blah"
Allright, fluff piece created. Lets see if I can catch any fish. Also I should mention that I did not pay for this at all. I am opposed to the idea of paying for a boyfriend - just like I am also opposed to fraternities and sororities because it is like paying for friends. What can I say, Im cheap and I have acquired some pretty good friends for free thank you!

The first guy that showed interest in me had the username 'Booger77' - jackpot. In his details he put random things in quotes like 'heart on my sleeve' and also 'fly by the seat of my pants'. These do not need to be in quotes, I know they are cliche phrases to express how intense and charming you are. Oh, and he doesn't own a TV - random fact that he felt was necessary to share.

The next one was my friend, that may be awkward if I don't respond.

Another guy is a Platinum member. What does this mean? It means that he has paid so much for his membership that people who don't pay for theirs can mooch off of him. Allright I will bite, lets see what his email says:

"So your job deals with travel. What is your bachelors degree in that you get to deal with travel so much? Have you been to a lot of places? Have you been out of the country? Whats your favorite state?
Hope to hear from you, "

Holy question overload Batman!! So I checked out his profile and the only thing he listed under Favorite Things was the show Lost. No thanks, hopefully someone else can benefit from your Platinum status.

The final one I will highlight (because trust me, I could write a book on this if I keep it going long enough) is a divorced man who immediately described himself as used goods. Props for being painfully honest! He also made it a point to note that he in fact DOES own the suit he is wearing in his profile pictures, for what it is worth. I would like to think I'm not shallow enough to fall for that, but a man in a suit is always sexy. Always. He went on to mention various things that he enjoyed which included blankets, breathing, and F. Scott Fitzgerald. I too enjoy breathing, we have more in common that I though we would.

If you are ever in the mood to do lazy people watching and Facebook stalking has lost its charm, I would highly recommend searching around on Match.com. God love all of you who have actually found love on that site and who put your hearts out there, but I'm allergic to fish and that pool is a little too shallow for me.

The Facebook Stereotypes

It is I, Kailey! I realize its been some time since I have jotted down my thoughts and for all 2 of my fans, I apologize. I would always get really good topic ideas on my way into work and then 12 hours later when Im sitting in front of my computer all I could do is play mindless games and surf Facebook.

Speaking of Facebook, I was perusing it this morning and realized that I have some really predictable and/or nutty friends on there. They full embrace the stereotype they have been labeled and make everyone else look bad. For example...

1) The Like Addict

You know this person well because they show up EVERYTIME you update your status. They never comment or provide any insightful thoughts, just a simple thumbs up and they are done. The Like button is tricky because you can either really mean it or you are just too busy to write anything so you throw up the 'like'. Which is fine, except if you literally like everything. At first I didnt really notice because she would only like a few things. Then she started liking my friend's status updates. Then my family. Now she has moved on to liking the comments people post on my status on top of my status! Its out of control and I feel slightly violated - all because of a stupid thumb.

2) The "Cool Story Jeopardy Contestant"!

For those of you who watch the Soup you know exactly what this means: someone who tells a story or a tidbit of one and you are left with an udder sense of confusion as to why they decided to share that. I also noticed that this person does not typically post their story until a lot of people have responded to the comment, thus maximizing the crappiness of said story to people who probably dont know them. Once I wrote "Man I wish I could sleep in every Monday" and a few people commented with their approval, and then Jeopardy came along.
"One time I slept in on Monday but it was because my power went out and the alarm didnt go off. LOL"

NO LOL! That wasn't funny, that was unneccessary and I refuse to laugh at that.

3) The Obvious Question Kid

This one is my favorite - basically that person responds to your comment by asking you a question that can obviously be answered by said status update. A friend of mine put up a few days ago "People ask me why Im single" and some brain trust responded back: "Wait, youre single?" No, Im just a compulsive liar about my dating habits, Im trying to cut back. Who asks that?! Or if you put up a hobby you are currently doing, like "Going to play the piano for Grandma" and you get back, "You play the piano? Rockin!!" Nope, I dont play at all, its just something cool to say.

Stop asking dumb questions people, youre making the apes look smarter.

4) The Overly Sensitive Facebooker

One of my dear friends falls into that category and I believe she embraces it to its full extent. This person gets offended if you detag yourself from that picture he/she posted of you doing a kegstand while wearing half your clothes or the one where you LOOK drunk, but really it was just a candid shot that failed miserably. These are not pictures I want my family, coworkers, or even friends to see half the time so please dont get offended that I am hiding my shame. We are at a point in society that we need to present ourselves well at all times because you never know who is watching, and somehow I dont think posting a video of Brazilian Fart Porn on my wall is going to convey that. So lets use some discretion people!

New Music!

My friend Kat just recommended a new artist to me that is on her record label and I love her so much I have to share with everyone:) I love Kat for having the same taste in music as me, especially when she makes recommendations!!

Melanie Fiona, look her up. Actually here, I will do it for you:

http://www.melaniefiona.com/

I love "Monday Morning" and "Give It To Me Right"

Think Alicia Keys meets Leona Lewis meets Shaka Khan.

What do you think?

The Crossroads of Chaos

Recently in Omaha the Crossroads Mall was put up for auction. For those of you who do not live in this fine city and may be unaware of the Mall, it was THE place to go when I was younger. Unfortunately, it also hit its peak when I was younger and now it is a desolate, empty shell of a building held up only by Target and Barnes & Noble.

A lot of people have been posting their ideas of what should become of this once bustling mall: A Nebraska version of Power & Lights, a hub for a tram system, parking for UNO, etc. The fate has not been made public just yet, so I would like to throw my idea into the pool to see if there are any takers.

Actually let me preface this by saying that it is not just my idea. It is actually a collection of ideas that came to fruition over a few drinks with my very clever friends. Our idea is to turn Crossroads mall into a strip mall. Below are just a few of the stores that would go up, but the possibilities are truly endless.

1) Belts in the Mall - this is one of the greatest names of an actual store found at Westroads mall. What do they sell? Where do they sell it? Gone are the days of asking those arbitrary questions - its all in the name! Anything from the seat belt to the garter belt to Grain belt beer- if the word belt is in the name, we will probably sell it.

2) Sock N Smocks - have you ever needed a smock and just didn't know where to turn? Me too! Seriously, where do you buy a good smock these days? Well fret no more, this store specializes in smocks. We also have matching socks so you don't have to look like a fool when you wear your smock out with your sandals in the middle of summer.

3) Blake's Rakes - contrary to what this name says, we actually sell shoes here. The store idea came up when we found out that the founder of Tom's Shoes' name is actually Blake. <> I feel like Ive been supporting a lie all this time, so now its my turn to lie to the public. Are you in desperate need of a rake for your fall yard work? Don't come here, we don't have them. Sucker.

4)Fenanigans - this one is a restaurant with amazing food. It actually started when our favorite local bar, Finnegans, was becoming too routine for me. I wanted to try somewhere else and broaden my horizons, but apparently my friends had a different agenda. They tried to tell me that there was a new bar in town that had amazing food and drink specials and it actually went up right where Finnegans was. The name? Fenanigans. I don't know about you, but I sensed a lie. So we are turning their lie into a profitable business, which makes us all winners!

5)Make It Personal - this store sells revenge. If you ever say this name out loud you have to shake your angry fist in the sky. We also sell monogrammed towels.

6) House of Suck - we sell vacuums, nuff said

7) Richard's Spirits - liquor store most commonly referred to as Dick Liquors

8) HobNobbies - this store sells high end party supplies. You must wear a mink stole and/or monocle when shopping here.

9) Coming Soon - this will be a restaurant, and yes it will be coming soon.


I'm sure you will agree after seeing the potential that each of these stores have that our idea should replace Crossroads Mall. If you are interested in purchasing the land for us, please let me know. I promise you wont be disappointed.

Please Prepare the Cabin for Conversation

I recently went down to San Antonio for work and realized a passion of mine that I haven't experienced in awhile: talking to the people next to you on a plane. I only started doing it once I started college because I was such a wallflower in high school you had to force me to talk to someone back then.

Its refreshing to start up a conversation with a complete stranger. Everyone has their own story and whether they like to admit it or not, they love talking about it. You find out where they are from, where they are traveling to and before you know it they are telling you about their 3 kids back home and how they need to find a perfect present for them.

One time I was on a plane to Orlando and I was working on a research paper on airline crashes. I had a book open with graphic pictures and a case report of the latest aircraft accident on my lap. The elderly gentleman sitting next to me said 'Miss, you may want to be careful who you show that to on this plane, I think there are some first timers on board'. Oops. I was so engrossed in my reading to even think that he may have a fear of flying so I quickly apologized and started packing up. He told me not to worry because he was a skydiver from Australia and had jumped out of over 4,000 airplanes. He was never worried about them crashing because he could always just jump out of them if they did. That sparked a long conversation about my education and where I planned on taking it and he offered some great advice. I still have his business card and I swear one of these days I am going to go Australia to skydive with him.

This past week I sat in between two good sized men on the way to San Antonio. I was tired and cranky and the last thing I wanted to do was become a sardine on the tin can of Continental Airlines (the song "Stuck in the Middle with You" kept playing on loop in my head). Well the guy to my right, who looked liked Lou Ferigno and Jack LaLaine's lovechild, started talking to me about where I was going and why I was going there. Turns out he owns the largest chain of fitness centers in Arkansas and was on his way to meet with some investors. The guy to my left as it turns out was a fuel salesmen going to the same conference as me. He gave me a rundown of what the conference would entail and also some pointers about where to go after the 'work' was over. We all exchanged business cards and I ended up finding Eric the fuel salesmen at the conference and said hi. Had I just put on my iPod and fell asleep on the plane like I had originally planned I would have missed out on Lou Ferigno Sr giving me running tips and my new friend at the NBAA conference.

Trust me, if you are faced with the option of talking to your neighbor or just putting on your headphones, I highly suggest talking. You never know who you might meet.

Apartment Hunting...the Saga

Apartment hunting is dumb. I was half tempted to just post the blog after I typed that sentence because it so adequately describes my feelings right now. I have done my research on every apartment I want to live in and they all end up falling short of my expectations when I get there to look at them. Why is this? Are my expectations too high? Should they all be charged with false advertising? I highly doubt I will get answers to these questions. The least I can do is share my trials and tribulations so you will feel sorry for me.

The first place I went was the Old Market Lofts. I was really excited about these because I thought it would be awesome to live to close to work and be right there on the downtown action. I sent in my 'whats available?' card and noted that I was not willing to spend more than $800 on rent each month. I walk in and first of all the girl did not even introduce herself to me - she just started asking me questions about how I heard about the place (as if the giant brick building that says "OLD MARKET LOFTS" isnt enough) and so on and so forth. Then she takes me on a tour and only speaks if I ask her a question. Well thats helpful. The first apartment she shows me is $850...ok, pretty sure thats not what I wanted. The kitchen was the size of a walk-in closet and the bedroom could maybe fit my bed and a small table...maybe. The next one she says she is going to show me is $950. Oh, great! Its only $150 more than what I told them I was willing to spend, no big deal. So needless to say that did not work out.

I was so frustrated after that visit that I went over to the Johnson's and played drinking SVU with Kelcy. I find that whenever life gets you down it is always best to play a drinking game while watching your favorite drama on TBS. After that I had absolutely no motivation to look at apartments in person so I have now resorted to asking my friends to do it for me. Oddly enough no one has signed up to find me an apartment. Until I find the one place that I can call home I am sure there will be more stories to affirm how nutso this process is.

In the event of a water landing...

So the other day I had finally reached my breaking point with a friend of mine...we shall call him Murray because I think thats a funny name. I had been blown off for the 3rd time in a week and it all just exploded when I got the last 'I cant make it' text. At the epitome of my frustration my friend Jo came into the picture and let me vent. God really knew what he was doing when he created the patient friends who allow you to just vent all your frustrations and sort it out before you go nutso. So I told her the story of my day and all she said was...

"Kailey, he is like the Titanic. The best thing to do is put on your fur coat and hop on the last boat out of there"

Funny how a bit of advice meant in jest could actually put everything into perspective! Murray is my Titanic. He was great and wonderful at first and all I wanted was to be a part of his allurement. Everything was great until we hit that damn iceberg. However, much like the Titanic, it was unavoidable. It was a big, looming iceberg that in the back of our minds always knew could appear without warning - we just always hoped our friendship would be stronger. The damage was done, but we kept on trucking and I truly believed that we could still stay afloat. Even when the water was rushing in around my feet I STILL thought we would be ok. I held on as long as I possibly could and refused to give up - that is, until I realized that all my efforts to save the sinking ship were useless. I heard the call for the last rescue boat so I grabbed what I had left of my pride and paddled away.

Its hard to leave something you always thought was so strong and reliable. Its even harder to realize that there was nothing you could have done to save it. So while I will always have the memories of that magical trip, I also have the ability to paddle away with my head held high and knowing that a ship, whether it be friend or cruise, is only as strong as you build it to be.