Recently in Omaha the Crossroads Mall was put up for auction. For those of you who do not live in this fine city and may be unaware of the Mall, it was THE place to go when I was younger. Unfortunately, it also hit its peak when I was younger and now it is a desolate, empty shell of a building held up only by Target and Barnes & Noble.
A lot of people have been posting their ideas of what should become of this once bustling mall: A Nebraska version of Power & Lights, a hub for a tram system, parking for UNO, etc. The fate has not been made public just yet, so I would like to throw my idea into the pool to see if there are any takers.
Actually let me preface this by saying that it is not just my idea. It is actually a collection of ideas that came to fruition over a few drinks with my very clever friends. Our idea is to turn Crossroads mall into a strip mall. Below are just a few of the stores that would go up, but the possibilities are truly endless.
1) Belts in the Mall - this is one of the greatest names of an actual store found at Westroads mall. What do they sell? Where do they sell it? Gone are the days of asking those arbitrary questions - its all in the name! Anything from the seat belt to the garter belt to Grain belt beer- if the word belt is in the name, we will probably sell it.
2) Sock N Smocks - have you ever needed a smock and just didn't know where to turn? Me too! Seriously, where do you buy a good smock these days? Well fret no more, this store specializes in smocks. We also have matching socks so you don't have to look like a fool when you wear your smock out with your sandals in the middle of summer.
3) Blake's Rakes - contrary to what this name says, we actually sell shoes here. The store idea came up when we found out that the founder of Tom's Shoes' name is actually Blake. <> I feel like Ive been supporting a lie all this time, so now its my turn to lie to the public. Are you in desperate need of a rake for your fall yard work? Don't come here, we don't have them. Sucker.
4)Fenanigans - this one is a restaurant with amazing food. It actually started when our favorite local bar, Finnegans, was becoming too routine for me. I wanted to try somewhere else and broaden my horizons, but apparently my friends had a different agenda. They tried to tell me that there was a new bar in town that had amazing food and drink specials and it actually went up right where Finnegans was. The name? Fenanigans. I don't know about you, but I sensed a lie. So we are turning their lie into a profitable business, which makes us all winners!
5)Make It Personal - this store sells revenge. If you ever say this name out loud you have to shake your angry fist in the sky. We also sell monogrammed towels.
6) House of Suck - we sell vacuums, nuff said
7) Richard's Spirits - liquor store most commonly referred to as Dick Liquors
8) HobNobbies - this store sells high end party supplies. You must wear a mink stole and/or monocle when shopping here.
9) Coming Soon - this will be a restaurant, and yes it will be coming soon.
I'm sure you will agree after seeing the potential that each of these stores have that our idea should replace Crossroads Mall. If you are interested in purchasing the land for us, please let me know. I promise you wont be disappointed.
