The only thing we have to fear...is everything.

Fear is such an invasive emotion. It can completely cripple a person, leaving nothing but a soiled pair of shorts and an out of control heartbeat. Everyone is afraid of something, whether they admit it or not, but how do these fears come about? I think there is a difference between 'fear' and 'things that you dont like'. I personally do not like Miley Cyrus but in no way do I fear her (unless she became a zombie, Im pretty sure that would be horrible).

There are two things in particular that I fear: bleeding from the mouth and shellfish. One is completely warranted and one I have no effing clue how it developed but it is borderline psychotic.

I used to love shellfish. I remember vividly going up to Seattle to visit family and eating oysters in the half shell over the fire. I also remember helping my Uncle Buck ride out into the ocean to collect his crab traps so we could dunk the poor bastards in a buttery garlic sauce. I salivated at the thought of 4th of July parties because that almost always meant there would be shrimp cocktail. Shellfish was my friend and I loved it.

One weekend in college I went up with some friends to visit our friend Kat in Minnesota. We were having a great weekend and decided to go to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner. I of course ordered oysters in a half shell, a tip of the hat to my Seattle days. I got through two of them and I noticed my forearms were getting really red. And then itchy. No big deal, probably just all the mosquito bites I got from being outside all day. But the more I itched, the more they popped up. Then it got a little hard to breathe. While all this is going on my friends were out paying the bill and making their way back. I didn't say much, just wheezed that I needed Benadryl. So one girl is completely freaked out and gives me a paper bag to breath into. This would help if it wasn't already hard enough to breath, but I appreciated the attempt to help. Kat was still new to town and wasn't 100% where a Walgreens or pharmacy was so we went to a gas station. I popped those babies like they were candy and quite honestly the next thing I remember is driving back to Omaha the next day - but not before I had a dream about a sweet northern voice telling me to rest and visit an allergist when I got home (I suspect this was the nurse that dealt with me).

So I booked an appointment with the allergist when I returned to the homeland. Heed my warning, do not visit an allergist unless you absolutely have to. I'm sure there are other ways of determining if you have a food allergy but the route my doctor went was pricking my forearm over and over again with different allergens to see how I reacted. BLECH! No thanks - after 12 skin pricks he finally determined that I was allergic to shellfish, or some chemical found only in shellfish.

So with that knowledge I was extra cautious about what I ate. For awhile I would not eat anything that came from the ocean because what if that fish ran into a crab or shrimp and its chemicals got on it? No thanks, I will pass on the chance to have my throat close up again. I have lightened up a lot since then and will even go to sushi restaurants on occasion, but the fear still lingers that my next bite may be what sets me on a one way trip to the hospital.

Ok so the next fear, I will admit, is stupid. It is stupid until you are the one dealing with it. I cannot handle bleeding from the mouth or seeing other people bleed from the mouth. I am honestly not sure where or when it developed but Im pretty sure there is not a support group for it. Once I was at a friends house and he wanted to watch Kill Bill. I hadn't seen it but it was by Quentin Tarantino so how gory could it be? (har, har). The opening scene is of Uma Thurman laying on a church floor covered in blood, and her teeth are broken and bloody. (On a side note, I just got terrible goosebumps writing that) Well the blood and the teeth were so overwhelming that I ran for the bathroom to throw up. As I was running I could feel my stomach getting tighter and the power to hold it in was fading. I made it about halfway before I spewed behind his couch. I have rendered people speechless on a few occasions, but this one was by far the most awkward. I started crying because I was so embarrassed and disgusted because I had no idea where that came from, but he assured me it was probably just something I had ate. I actually believed that for awhile until I had my wisdom teeth removed. They knocked me out and when they were done and woke me up they had me sit up very slowly. I did but not before catching a glimpse of the bloody bib and gauze on the table next to me - I instantly passed out from the sight. Ever since then I cannot floss unless I close my eyes or watch someone bleed from their mouth without getting sick to my stomach - thank God Im past losing my baby teeth.