Does this train stop at cliches and expectations?

I turned 29 in June this year.  I am unmarried, childless and as of 11:06pm tonight, have no prospects to fill those spaces on my bingo card of life.  This is fine by me.  It is apparently not fine by family members, friends and loving acquaintances at work that mean well but I really want to tell them to take a flying leap.  There is a path in life that I need to be taking and I'm a few steps behind already, at least so they tell me.

When I get asked if I'm seeing anyone and I respond with no I usually hear 'well that doesn't make sense, you're such a great girl'.  Why does being a great girl have to equate to being with someone? Why can't I just be great on my own?  It makes me question if I am doing something wrong by not being tied down already with a kid on my hip.  When people prod me with questions about my future, it makes me wonder if somewhere along the way I screwed up and missed the turn that takes me to wedded bliss and children before I'm 30.  What happens if I decide not to get married or have kids, does that make me a failure? Hell to the no.

I have opted to take the path where I made some highly questionable decisions in college, traveled to some pretty spectacular places, and developed a career in an industry I love.  That's not to say that my married friends did not have the same experience, I know for a fact that many of them have some great stories to tell their kids (mostly because I was there to witness them).  I feel sometimes like there is pressure on me to fit into the "normal" path of life.  Just like in the board game, you're supposed to go to college, get a career, get married, buy a house and then have kids.  What if I don't want to do that? What if I want to live in Belize for a year and live off the land? What if I want to spend all my money on flying, just for a hobby?  I don't have to follow the path that everyone else does, and that's fine with me.

I am proud of myself for waiting to make sure I marry the right guy and not just someone who will fill this void that society says I should have.  My life is rich, I don't have time to worry about a void, I'm too busy loving what I have. Asking me when I'm going to settle down is not funny, its just mean because to me it says you don't find my progression through life to be correct.  And that makes you wrong.

Life is simply filled with delicious ambiguity and excitement.  I don't think I will ever stop making questionable decisions (although they are a lot more tame these days), traveling to spectacular places and working in an industry that I love.  Maybe later down the road I will just do it with my husband and kids.

Just not now, so stop asking.

Aviation: Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Last night I went to a going away party for one of my coworkers, he is transferring to our Boise operations to fly with them.  All of the pilots were in a circle talking and it turns out that 3 of them have known each other since college.  They have been flying together and getting in trouble for over 20 years and now the wolfpack is breaking up(geographically speaking).  That got me thinking, how many other connections do we have in our department?

6 of us have graduated from the UNO aviation program, 3 from UNK, 2 from UND and a 1 from Embry-Riddle.  We have been on college Flight Teams, gone to small towns in the Midwest for lunch so we could build our flight hours, and stayed up all night trying to get projects done in time.   4 of the guys flew together for a regional airline and don't get me started on how many mutual friends we have just in aviation alone. Every person that gets hired in our department is recommended from someone in the department, someone that has flown with them or went to school with them.  Trust me, you don't want to hire a pilot that no one knows - how do you know how they handle the plane?  A resume won't give you any clue.

It is a small industry, but an important one (ok I may be a little biased on that statement).  We develop this bond of camaraderie and loyalty to each other because you have to trust the people you work with. There is also the danger factor: we knowingly choose a career that can be considered dangerous to some, but there is literally no where else we'd rather be.  We don't get to make mistakes, mistakes cause accidents.  Whether its the dispatcher, mechanic, or pilot - we have to be 100% every day.  Who has time to hold grudges and make enemies with that kind of pressure? That's why we are this beautiful dysfunctional family - it doesn't make sense, but it doesn't have to.

Perspective

Lately I have found myself trying to change my outlook on certain parts of my life in an attempt to be more positive.  It is a lot easier to be a Mr. Grumpy Gills than it is to be Little Miss Sunshine, but I've found that easy doesn't equate to happy.  Below are a few recent scenarios and how the smallest change of your perspective can make the smallest thing turn into the greatest.

"Ugh I have to wake up at 7am on a Saturday, what a waste of a weekend"

One of my guilty pleasures in life is sleeping in until 9am on the weekends, I feel so free. This last Saturday though I had to wake up early for an event I signed up for.  Sure, it would be easy to come up with a half assed excuse, but why not just change your perspective about it?

Turns out, I was waking up to participate in a Donate Life walk with my friend Terri and her family.  Terri lost her brother tragically when I was a senior in high school and his organs were donated to those who needed them.  They remember him by participating in this walk and supporting a great organization that helps pay it forward with the gift of life.  The Shafers basically raised me in high school and college and Im fairly certain I left an imprint of my body on their couch with all the sleepovers I had there.  Was I really going to skip out on this event so I could get two more hours of sleep?? HECK NO.  I went and it was amazing, Im so glad I was able to participate.

"Another bachelorette party, this is going to be lame"

I will be the first to admit, I am not a fan of bachelorette parties.  Let me rephrase so I dont sound like a bitch: I hate CLICHE bachelorette parties (cue penis straws and wearing thongs outside your pants because its funny!).  I was invited to one on Saturday and temptation was behind me all day trying to get me to cancel and spend the night on the couch with a bottle or Roscato and the first season of the Golden Girls.  Looks like its time to change my perspective again...

The party was for my friend Margaret, who is getting married in Vegas around Christmas.  Her friend Amanda planned the party and went to a lot of work to get everything ordered and reserved for the big night.  Lucky for women all over the world, Margaret is not into the penis decor or going to a gay club to dance until there are blisters on your feet.  Instead we had pizza and went to a karaoke bar.  I can honestly say it was one of the better bachelorette parties I have ever been to before.  It was laid back, but still decorated and fun.  There were beers to be drank and shots to be taken and more importantly, songs to be sung.  Im glad I went so I could help Margaret celebrate a huge milestone in her life and that I was able to catch up with some pretty cool chicks.

"I have to clean my room, uuuuuuuugh"

Cleaning is not fun, not sure I know many people who disagree with that.  Its so much easier to let dust settle and windows get smudged, but deep down it eats away at your tiny heart.  Laying in bed watching youtube clips of the latest tough mudder race is WAY better than folding and putting away my clothes right?  Ok fine, time to change my perspective.

I cleaned part of my room the other day and ended up finding some pictures of my mom that I had tucked away the last time I was in a hurry to clean everything up.  It brought back great memories and I had to remind myself that if I hadnt decided to clean I may not have found those pictures.  Plus there was a small layer or fur growing on my carpet from weeks of neglect, I really need to get better at that.

So there you have it: change your mind, change your attitude.  To apply our lesson today, one might say Im not ending this blog entry, but rather taking a break until a new idea pops into my head.

Mom is just another word for best friend.

Editor's Note: I started writing this the day my mother passed away, but could never finish it until now. A lot of tears have been shed over the course of writing this piece, but it needed to be done so the world would know what an unbelievably beautiful woman she was.  I love you mom. 

November 27th started as normal as any Tuesday could: went to work, answered some phone calls and grabbed some lunch with my coworkers.  We were sitting there at the dining table when my brother Jack called my cell phone.  I thought he was just calling to tell me about his new braces, but my sister was on the other end and she sounded distressed.

"Kailey, you need to come home now. Its Mom"

My heart sank.  I had that wave of panic that comes over you when the teacher calls on you and you've been on Facebook the whole time and don't know what she just said.  My boss could see the confusion in my eyes so he immediately got up and said he would drive me home.  On the ride home I didn't know if I should cry or pray or just sit there and not think about it.  I figured she probably just had an asthma attack and was being rushed to the ER to make sure she got back to breathing normal.  No big deal, we have gone through this before.  Something in my sister's voice told me that this was not the case, I just didn't want to believe it.

After a few more phone calls I was told to go to the Methodist ER to meet my sister.  Ok, I thought, it really was just an asthma attack.  Thank goodness.  Shannon met me outside and gave me a big hug and as we were walking in to the ER I casually asked, "So, how is she doing?".

"She didn't make it."

That is the exact moment that my entire world and everything I believed fell apart.  For those of you who have lost a family member, especially a parent or child, you know this sinking feeling and all you can do is cry.  I dropped to my knees and screamed "Oh God why?!" over and over in the ER hallway. I'm sure these doctors and nurses have seen their fair share of sorrow every day, but I decided to spare them and eventually got up to meet the rest of my family in a private room.  It was there that I found out my youngest brother Jack was the one who found her in her bedroom.  He had come home to show her his new braces and found her unconscious on her floor.  He called my dad right away and then immediately called 911 - words cannot express how proud I am that he thought of that on his own.  He is such a great kid.  After awhile  of sitting there and crying I asked the uncomfortable question, "What now?".  Dad wasn't sure, but he knew that we didn't need to be there anymore.  We headed home and began what would be a week long ordeal of friends, family, cards, hugs and food to feed an army.

My mother's funeral was packed with friends and family.  When I got up to speak at her wake I was blown away by the number of people who had shown up from all over the country to pay their respects.  She touched so many people both directly and indirectly over the course of her lifetime, I'm sure those who were there was only a small fraction.  I received so many cards from people that simply said, "I didn't know your mother, but if you are any reflection of her I'm sure she was a great lady."  I'm only great because my mom and dad raised me that way, so they get all the credit for that one.  The memories that people have shared with us over the past month have been a beautiful reminder that she isn't really gone so long as people keep those memories alive.  Please don't ever stop sharing those with us, those memories are what give us strength. 

People ask how I'm holding up and how my family is doing.  We are doing about as well as expected I suppose.  I stay strong because I need to for my siblings and dad.  Sometimes I find myself tearing up at a song or a memory, but that's because we had so many memories and now that's all they will ever be.  One night I went over to try and find an apron she wanted to give my cousin Olivia.  I couldn't find it anywhere and I realized that I could no longer run into her room and ask where she put it - I went home and cried the rest of the night.   I have all of her voice mails saved on my phone and sometimes I will play them just to hear her say "I love you Kailey Doll, call me back".  It's funny how something that at the time was so insignificant is now the one thing that keeps her close to me.  

I miss her cinnamon rolls.  I miss her leaving her coffee mug in the microwave.  I miss the month long celebration of her birthday that always started the day after mine.  I miss sitting on the over sized chair in her room and just talking about the day and watching TV Land.  I miss the hair bows she made us, even when I was older she would make me one.  I miss her searching everywhere for her glasses only to realize she hung them on her shirt collar.  I miss clipping coupons and saving Pet Prints from Hy-Vee for her.  I miss her braiding my hair before sporting events.  I miss her 3rd of July party and how excited she got to have everyone over.  I miss her saying "I'm going to go put my feet up" or "Be a good googie".  I miss the treasure hunts she would put on for our birthday parties.  I miss the pillow she carried around with her so she could see over her dashboard.  I miss her conversations with the animals.  I miss the poems she left in my lunches.  I miss going over to see her when I was sick because she always made me feel better.  I miss the songs she would sing just because.  I miss her listening to music while cooking. I miss her goofy stories that never seemed to have a point but she was so excited to tell them that I didn't have the heart to stop her.  Most of all I miss the simple "I love you Kailey Doll" I would get every time I left their house.  

I love you too, Mom.  To the moon and back. 

2012 Went Down in Flames

Ah, New Years Eve.  A time for people to make resolutions and reflect on a year gone by.  Or, if you are one of my friends, you drink until you can't feel feelings while a guy named Mel drives you around Omaha.  Our story starts one week ago today...

At Happy Hour (paraphrasing everything)
Joanne: "Seriously, what are we going to do for New Years Eve?"
Sarah: "No clue bro, we were going to do Power & Lights but I don't want to get stuck driving and babysitting Pete and Z"
Kailey: "I suspect my New Years will be spent on my couch in sweatpants with a glass of wine"
Joanne: "I have another party I could go to, but I like the sweatpants idea"

So that should be the end of the story, right? Wrong.  Given the fact that is was still the holiday season, Sarah and I were anything but busy at work.  Our conversations ranged from serious to straight up ridiculous, but the one below is really what started our journey towards epic New Years Eve status.

Fast forward through the conversation about sneezing out of her mouth and figuring out what we are going to do with our lives and Boom- we got a bus.

Next stop was inviting people to ensure we could fill it up with 23 people.  I was a little nervous since we were less than a week away and people probably already made plans.  I constructed a Facebook invite and started selecting people to invite.  I sent out the first batch of invites and while I was in the middle of sending out round two, the bus filled up.  Wait, what?!  My friends also wait until the last minute to plan things, that's fantastic! Now all I need to do is get supplies for said bus.  My shopping list went like this:

- wristbands

-beer

-champagne

-boat horn

- glow sticks

Once the food was made and the drinks were purchased, it was time for the show to start.  Everyone received a complimentary "Jesus Loves Me" wristband and glow sticks on board, because both are good reminders that we are completely insane.

Getting cozy on Mel's bus.  

Ready for a night on the town.

With the help of Mel, we visited some of our favorite bars and I somehow managed to herd everyone on to the bus together so no one was left behind at each stop.  We were all having a great time until we decided to visit Kelcy at the Mai Tai.  You could actually see people's faces contort from "kind of drunk" to "WOOOO PARTY drunk" after finishing off one Mai Tai. 

WOOO Party!

We ended up at Grandpa's Basement (Or Old Mill Lounge if you want to call it by the correct name) where we rang in the New Year together.  My favorite moment of the night was when Margaret and company decided to start counting down from 10 about 5 minutes too early.  No one was paying attention so when she started counting down of course everyone joined in.  At zero they all celebrated, but realized they had been duped when the people in Times Square were just standing there and not celebrating with them on TV.  By the time anyone in the bar figured out what was going on though, the clock did strike midnight and everyone missed it.  I still laugh about that one.

The rest of the night gets a little fuzzy, but I do know that everyone made it home safely and we somehow all lived to talk about it the next day.  Of course, no friend event would be complete without a rendition of Zombie, which is appropriately how I felt the day after. 

Here is to 2013, I hope it lives up to the hype.

A Summer Recap for 2012

Now that it is past Labor Day, I suspect I have to come to terms with the fact that summer is officially over.  While I enjoy crockpot chili, wearing sweatpants that were clearly made for someone over 5'1, and Oktoberfest, I have to say that 2012 proved to be an excellent summer.

A few recaps, in no particular order:

1) My first international trip.  I finally leapt outside of my box and into the wonderful world of European culture, specifically Spanish culture.  My 13 years of Spanish came in handy and I had a great adventure with some pretty cool cats.

2) Tough Mudder x2.  I finished my 2nd Tough Mudder this year, a feat I did not think I would ever accomplish.  I still want to get better, so the training is going to get kicked up a notch this year but for now Im satisfied that I survived another year.

3) Every other race, obstacle course, fun run.  Dirty Girl, Color Run, Midnight Run, you name it - I signed up for it.  Definitely my busiest year when it came to running, and Im pretty darn proud of that.

4) Concerts galore.  Michael Bolton, Matisyahu, Black Keys, Weezer...this was a year of good music.  A special shout out to my friend Bam who made a lot of these concerts happen.

5) 3rd of July Party.  My parents have an annual 4th of July party every year (on the 3rd), but this year my mom had to be hospitalized.  She was so sad that my friends wouldnt have a place to go for the 3rd, but Henry and Jess stepped up and hosted an impromptu party at Henry's house.  It's moments like that when you realize what truly awesome friends you have.

6) Skydiving.  Thrill of a lifetime, decision was made about 3 days before actually doing it.  Last minute decisions always end up with the best outcomes.

7) 4th tattoo.  You all knew it was a matter of time before I got #4.

8) Middle of the night beach adventures.  I ended up doing this twice - once in Spain to watch the sun come up over the Meditterranean and once in San Diego with my cousin Sean.  Both were amazing and something I wish I could do more.

9) Appetizer dinners with my roommate.  Being two professional 20-somethings means we have officially been in the adult world for awhile now.  We can both cook spectacular meals, but sometimes we were both just so tired that we ended up eating Triscuits and hummus or string cheese for dinner.  Always with a glass of wine, always.

10) Traveling.  From San Diego to Spain to Atlanta to Denver and beyond.  I covered every corner of the US and then some, how lucky can a girl get?

Now if someone would just make me a mix tape of hot jams from this summer, I would be set.

Talavera de la Reina

After we dropped the car off in Madrid we took the bus over to Talavera de la Reina, which is where Sarah used to teach English.  It was a quick hour long bus ride, but it seemed like forever because we had just been in a car for 4 hours and and Metro for another 45 minutes.  Three modes of transportation in one day can be exhausting.

Our bus

We pulled into the bus station and my smart roommate booked us at the hotel that was connected to the station so there was very little walking required - I was so happy.  Our hotel was very modern, but in typical European fashion, had no privacy.

Damn twin beds!

You can see right through to the bedroom. 

We walked around a bit and stopped at an Italian restaurant for dinner, which was surprisingly good.  Once we were full of pasta and cream sauces, we decided to walk around the ferias (festival) so I could experience it.  There were rows of tents selling everything you could possibly want and then there were the food carts followed by the carnival rides and live music.  Everyone was trying to play their music louder than the tent next to them so it was this beautiful cacophony of bass and American pop music. 

We took these wine chupitos (shots) that came with a cookie stick in it - not my favorite, but Sarah and Jeff seemed to like them.  My favorite part was the hamster ball 'ride', which is intended for children.  Sarah somehow convinced them that we needed to try them out, so the carnie acquiesced to our request.  It was the best/worst thing I have ever done with my roommate.  It's impossible to stand in those things because they are floating on water, but we tried for 10 whole minutes to stand for longer than a second.  Finally we gave up and went back to exploring the ferias. 

Sarah's former coworker and her husband also met up with us for drinks and tapas.  They were very nice and I had a fun time listening to them all talk in Spanish.  I can understand most everything being said, but I can't speak very well in Spanish.  My three favorite phrases on the trip were "Quiero un cafe con leche" "Donde vives?" (good for conversations with cabbies) and "Ortra cerveza, por favor".  If you learn those three phrases you can get anywhere.